no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
