Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
