This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
