If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
