I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dicks are not precious.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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