so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
