Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
