Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
