just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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