You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
