Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
