I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
