could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
