yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
