you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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