I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
