You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
