Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
