i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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