If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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