went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
