I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
