I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
