I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
