We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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