Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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