If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
