The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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