My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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