We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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