47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
