Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
