Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
