Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize