this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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