I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
