Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
