I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
