Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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