biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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