my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
