Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize