i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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