he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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