i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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