we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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