My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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