Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
