she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
