party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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