i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
