I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
