You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize