The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
