Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
