kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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