Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
