So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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