You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
