non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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