he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
