I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
