i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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