when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
