Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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