I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
